50 System-agnostic Magic Items

You Shall Know Them By Their Regalia

Joshy McCroo over at Rise Up Comus was recently on a kick of "how to make magic items feel magical." +1 swords are boring. Very true. What the heck is a "+1," anyway? The characters don't know. 

Yeah, the characters don't know. What if we use that as a constraint?

The item description can only use language that the characters would understand in context.

"With each blow, has a 1-in-6 chance of erupting into flame" is fine. "Deals 2d8 extra fire damage on a crit" is out.

A happy consequence of this constraint is that it makes all these artifacts system-agnostic. If you want to slap some specific rules on them to fit a given game, go ahead. (But I'm working on a ruleset that gets around that sort of thing entirely... Watch this space!)

Something about the way these items turned out also inspires me to put them into the hands of NPCs, rather than leave them to collect dust in the vault of a dungeon. Imagine a local judge who uses Rexxenvalt instead of holding trials, or a hog farmer who just happens to own Squealer the lie-detecting sow. You just know some foppish sorcerer is roaming around in the Silk Chariot.

Anyway, here's 50 magic items. I know it's not an easy-to-roll number; boo hoo. Use a d100 and keep trying until you get a valid result.

ARTIFACTS

1. Aigenthwait: spear with a shaft of ash. The tip seeks hearts like a lodestone seeks iron. Can lengthen into a pike or lance.
2. Authority: plain iron circlet. Strangers meeting the wearer always assume they are the leader of their group. Command attention, even among those of higher status.
3. Baisgard: round shield inlaid with a steel death's head. The bearer cannot die through violence. Mortal wounds may fester and rot, but the wielder staggers on so long as they do not drop this shield.
4. Bane-of-Thieves: a pair of coins--one silver, one lead--each stamped with a fox's head. The holder of the lead coin knows the exact distance and direction to the silver coin.
5. The Blue Cloak: vibrant color. While the hood is up, the wearer's appearance, voice, and mannerisms are unremarkable compared to their attire. They will only be noted as "a figure in a blue cloak."
6. Bow of Years: ritually prepared arrows unerringly strike any static target the wielder has seen, no matter the range.
7. Bullkiller: massive crossbow. Takes three men to load, but only one to aim and fire. Bolts are the size of a forearm.
8. The Cattenails: ten gold claws that fit over the fingertips. Sink easily into any surface, and cannot be extracted against the wearer's will. Boon to any climber, and a vicious weapon of last resort.
9. The Champion's Helm: barbute. The wearer knows at a glance whether they could defeat someone in a contest of arms.
10. The Claywaker: polished black stone. When placed in the forehead of a wet clay sculpture, the figure animates as a homunculus. After a day, the clay dries and the stone falls out. For every body-weight worth of clay used, the resulting homunculus has a 1-in-6 chance of awakening insane with bloodlust.
11. Cloudcutter: sword. The hilt shows serpents entwined; the blade is invisible.
12. Corbie's Claw: spiked hammer. Metal struck folds as if fresh out of the forge.
13. The Crimson Hound: hunting dog with bright red fur. Once it has smelled a target's blood, it never loses their trail. If killed, a red-furred puppy crawls mewling from the corpse.
14. The Demon Bridle: a horse wearing this tack can gallop from sunrise to sunset without rest. The first time the animal stops, it falls dead, foaming at the mouth.
15. Dhommas: ring made of glossy wood. Anyone whom the wearer touches on the forehead feels a transcendent sense of well-being.
16. Dominion: solid iron rod. Everyone within a day's walk knows what the wielder desires of them (or would, given a moment's consideration). Palace cooks know when the wielder is hungry; trespassers know that the wielder wants them to leave.
17. Dun Bess: placid dairy cow. Her milk gives the drinker total control over the involuntary aspects of their body (pulse, need for sleep, etc.) for a few hours. Drinking more than once per day is dangerous.
18. Fletcherskip: shortbow. Arrows are impossible to aim unless they are ricocheted off a hard surface, in which case accuracy is doubled.
19. Footpad's Foe: silver hoop earring. Causes mild pain if the wearer is unaware of people nearby.
20. Galilean Boots: rough and worn. Wearer treats water as solid ground.
21. Glassrazor: crystal broadsword that looks too heavy to lift. Passes sluggishly through flesh without leaving a mark, but kills limbs: severing the spine means death. Age yourself by ten years to ignite the blade with opalescent light, cutting through anything for a single swing.
22. Golden Grass: ring of braided gold. The wearer is as strong and hardy as a strapping young warrior, regardless of their true age, build, or health.
23. Grandmother's Jaws: set of sharpened iron teeth that fit in the mouth. The wearer can eat and digest any material softer than stone. 3-in-6 chance of catching a blade between the teeth.
24. Greydorre: choker set with a glowing emerald. Grants apparent youth and beauty, but anyone who gets within a pace of the wearer sees them as they truly are.
25. Grogangrip: armored gauntlet. Can squeeze hard enough to shatter a steel blade.
26. Homesinger: hurdy-gurdy. All who hear its music can envision exactly the imagery that the player intends.
27. Horatian Greaves: polished bronze. The wearer cannot be moved against their will, no matter the force brought against them.
28. Maidensborre: a sword that cannot be drawn, wrapped in green barrow-cloths. Trace a line in the air with a finger to evoke its blade, performing a single cut within shouting distance. Roll a die, then roll again for each time the wielder has evoked the blade today. On any roll of 1, they are are found unworthy and instantly beheaded. (Shamelessly stolen from Hex Culture)
29. Might: whip with an iron handle. Anyone struck by it has an overwhelming urge to prostrate themselves before the wielder.
30. Mimic: weapon. Whenever it is parried, it becomes a perfect replica of the weapon that blocked it, including any power that weapon might possess.
31. Night's Friend: uncut blue diamond. Gouge out an eye and place it in the socket; you can see in the dark and the invisible is revealed to you.
32. Nornthunder: black warhorse. Fearless; his hide turns blades.
33. The Oakheart: gnarled walking stick. When the haft is struck against the ground, it takes root and sprouts into an adult oak tree over the course of a dozen minutes. When growth is complete, the staff bulges from the trunk and can be torn free.
34. Papermind: thick tome. Ask a question and open it; an answer will be on the page. Only "knows" the contents of a well-stocked library from a century ago, but very good at fabricating plausible guesses.
35. Paxcord: a fine knife. Cuts through nearly anything with ease, but cannot pierce living flesh.
36. Peddler's Pouch: sack of dirt. The holder can reach in and pull out any object that could reasonably fit within the bag. At midnight, all items so created return to dirt.
37. Raker: feathered dandy's hat. If both the wearer's hands are empty, they move with superhuman dancer's grace, and have a 4-in-6 chance of dodging any blow.
38. Rennershoon: oiled leather shoes. The wearer can keep pace with a galloping horse.
39. Rexxenvalt: headsman's axe. Name a crime while making a decapitating blow. If the victim is innocent of that crime, the blade will pass through their neck harmlessly.
40. Scriber: ring of pale violet glass. The finger that wears it can write in lines of purple light that hang in the air for a dozen-dozen heartbeats or linger on a surface until the wearer wishes them to fade.
41. Shae's Mantle: a cloak that seems woven from live butterflies. Wherever it trails on the ground, grass springs up and flowers bloom--even in the dead of winter.
42. The Silk Chariot: palanquin with curtained sides. Carried by what appear to be burly porters, but are actually homunculi sculpted from clay. They march where their master directs. Damage to the porters incapacitates the palanquin until they are repaired with fresh clay.
43. Skaldenface: white mummer's mask. The wearer can speak in the voice of anyone they have heard.
44. The Soulclaw: silver bale hook. Pass over a person at the moment of their death; it spears a writhing mass of pale mist. Inhale the mist to close a wound or gain a burst of strength or arcane power.
45. Soultracer: charcoal pencil. Portraits sketched in the subject's presence show them as they see themselves; all their prides and insecurities are revealed.
46. Squealer: a cantankerous sow. Always knows a falsehood when she hears one and hates liars.
47. The Sunheart Gem: ruby cabochon on a pendant. The wearer stays dry in the heaviest rain, and warm in the bitterest cold.
48. The Whispering Twins: identical tiaras linked by a fine silver chain. When both are worn, each wearer hears the other's speech in their own native tongue.
49. The Witching Lamp: oil lantern. Mages cast their shadows towards its light.
50. The Woven Hand: coil of fine rope a dozen paces long. Can spring forth on command to grasp with the force of a double-handed grip.